Hook Up Like a Gentleman in Your Dorm Room

Submitted by Samantha - Aug 15, 2006

Just because you cohabitate in a cramped dorm room with a guy named "Spider", doesn't mean that you can't entertain the ladies (or your special lady) like a true gentleman. The saying really is true – size doesn't matter. Well, not for most girls anyway. In any case, with a little imagination and a lot of guidance from yours truly, you'll be able to entertain in Room 344 of Westminster Hall as successfully as you could in a TriBeCa loft.

First and foremost, never entertain a young lady while your roommate is in the room. Consider not only your own carnal needs, but also the gross-out factor for your roommate (not to mention the interruptions to his study schedule and his own lust life) and the comfort factor for your lady friend. To ensure that you and your roommate have an "understanding" of sorts, negotiate. Every time he makes himself scarce, you can reward him with a pizza or, better yet, a weekend crashing in another room, when his long-distance lady comes to campus.

Okay, so you've gotten rid of your roommate. Now, don't forget to LOCK YOUR DOOR. The last thing you want is an interruption, particularly one in the form of your rowdy floor mates bursting in on you, while you're (ahem) in the middle of something. You also don't want to be the (naked and passed out) stars of any video blogs the next morning, courtesy Joey-from-down-the-hall's camera phone.

Since chances are that you and the lady of your choice (or chance) will be a little tipsy (disclaimer: I'm not promoting underage drinking, simply acknowledging it), be sure to have refreshments on hand. Chilling in your dorm fridge should be beverages that can help to stave off the spins (bottled water), help to relax the tomboyish hotties (beer) and calm down the pretty princesses (champagne (try Pop mini bottles)).

Lighting creates the mood, but candles can be a fire hazard – especially when two drunken college students are involved. A paper table lamp will provide the requisite "mood lighting" without the risk and can be found for as little as $24.95 at retailers like Crate and Barrel.

Whether later that morning, or the next afternoon (provided you can both fit (and sleep) on your twin bed), be sure to walk her home. Whether she lives down the hall, down a floor or down the block, it's your gentlemanly duty to make sure she gets home safely. If she doesn't live in your dorm and her residence isn't walking distance away, be sure to call her a cab (and walk her to it), if you are unable to give her a ride home (and the only acceptable reasons for this are you a) don't have a car or b) your car is in the shop). Though you may not want to drag yourself out from under your comfortable duvet, this will provide you with the opportunity to show her that you're a "good guy" and it will allow you to clarify the terms of your tryst. Should you want to see her again (and perhaps commence dating) ask her if she'd like to go to dinner later in the week and tell her you'll call her (get her number, and do call her). If you absolutely, unequivocally do not ever want to hook up with the girl again, thank her for a great night and tell her you'll see her around. This may seem a bit dismissive, but it's better than telling her you'll call, when you know you never will. If you're "on the fence" about her or even if you really like her, but are committed to "sewing your oats", the above will work in this case as well.

Last, but certainly not least – wear a condom. Who says responsible can't be fun?!