Khagendra Thapa Magar (hes not from middle America) is anxiously awaiting to hear from the Guiness Book of World Records for his application as the shortest boy in the world.  This kid from Nepal is 14 years old and is 20 inches tall and 10 lbs.  

The Khagendra Thapa Magar Foundation (http://www.khagendratma.org/) is collecting money for the young boy so that he can continue to live.  I say everyone donates money to this organization.  We always donate money to AIDS and cancer research but always leave out the small Nepalian boys.  Come on people have a heart.  Plus i say we keep this kid alive and then clone him so everyone can have one.  Life would be so much more fun.  According to the website he likes to “play with pebbles”  and to “worshipping to buddha”. 

 I like to play with pebbles, too!

Guinness reports that Garry Turner, of Caistor, Lincolnshire, England, has the strechiest skin. Who would’ve thought right? He stretched his stomach skin 6.25 inches on the set of the Guinness World Records TV show in 1999. Apparantly he has some sort of weird skin disease that allows him to do this. My guess is that he’s a childmolester.

What’s up with the eye shadow? Is he not scary enough?

This is 63 year old Bernie Barker. A mild mannered, run-of-the-mill, old guy from Florida. He says hello to strangers, helps old ladies across the street and even goes for an occasional strole around his retirement community in Boca. That’s how most of his fellow nieghbors know him. He’s Bernie! Thats it.  

What most of these unsuspecting oldies don’t know is that once the sun goes down Bernie turns into “Bare-All Bernie” at one of South Florida’s hottest clubs. First of all, this is gross. Second of all, its just bad. Third of all, see ‘First of all’ and then ‘Second of all’ and then gouge your own eyes out.

Ladies and weird gay gays feast your eyes on Bare-All Bernie Barker, the 63 year old male stripper. Mmmmm, delicious. The most sketchy pic of him is in the link. Clickie, clickie.

Bernie says he’s doing this as some sort of in-your-face-America, I’ve-got-saggy-nads-and-I’m-proud-of-it campaign. ”If I can do this in my 60’s others can feel a little better about themselves and their own possibilities”, says Barker. The possibilities ARE endless Bare-All Bernie, they really are. 

Dairn, da-da Dairn Dairn.

Now, I was excited enough about the fastest coal shovelling alone, now they’re doing it with a banjo? Wow sums it up just fine.

Guinness reports that Wayne Miller of Wonthaggi, Victoria, Australia, on March 30, 1997, filled a 1/2 ton hopper with coal using none other than his banjo in 24.33 seconds. Wow again people. I mean, who other than Mr. Miller himself would have the pure intellect to think that a banjo would be the correct tool to master such an act. 

In a recent picture of Wayne, he shows us how not to use a banjo.

There was no word on whether or not the banjo had its strings on during the shovelling. Phone calls were not returned.

Here we go again. According to Guinness Book, Vivian Wheeler of Wood River, Illinois grew a full beard after the death of her mother in 1990. This record is also filed under Oddest Ways to Mourn the Loss of a Loved One and Biggest Freak Show.

Guinness continues by saying the longest strand from the follicle to the tip of the hair messures 27.9 cm or 11 inches in 2000. Apparantly this great idea was spawned by not only her mother’s death and 3 failed marriages but also the ever haunting demands by her father to “shave her face”. She needed to rebel. 10 years later and a stinky nest on her face, she won in the end.

Vivian, as Guinness states, prefers to “tie her beard up, which allows her to continue with her day-to-day activities” which consists of scaring the hell out of people. 

In July 1999, Shridhar Chillal of Poona, India (ha Poon!) had his record-breaking fingernails measured on the set of ‘Guiness World Records: Primetime’. The combined length of the five nails of his left hand were found to be a staggering 6.15 meters or 20 feet and 2.25 inches. Guiness book is quoted as saying, “Shridhar does not grow the nails on his right hand.” Hmmm, is it because he’s busy wailing on his crotch when he’s alone in his stink hut?

‘Guiness’ continues, “His ambition to grow his nails started from a young age. He says, “As a boy, I had an inclination to do something unique and outstanding. One day, I just happened to read about a Chinese saint who grew his nails and thought I could do that to create a world record.” Don’t normal Indians like, do math or something. Maybe even something in computers? I don’t know. Nails?

Apparantly, Mr. Poona has been growing his claws for friggin 48 years. Oh, and now his hand is permanently disfigured because he’s had to support the weight of his freak nails. Oh and he’s now def in his left ear from some kind of nerve damage. I guess its worth having a lobster claw on the end of your arm and being half def for all that fame. I don’t know how he handles all the papperazzi.