YORK, S.C. —  A 23-year-old Clover man who police say tried to dig up the grave of a 12-year-old girl after seeing her picture in an obituary has been sentenced to 20 years in prison.

Bryan Nicholas Garcia never did find the girl’s grave and told investigators he wanted to “take her home and have fun,” Clover Police Lt. Randall Horn said.

Aaaaannnd the winner is!….”Two mental evaluations found Garcia has a chemical imbalance in his brain that makes him want to have sex with corpses and children, defense attorney John Rhea said.” WHAT!?

Oh….where to begin?! Let’s just start by saying…wtf!?

Police say 19-year-old Gary Helms, Jr., raped his 45-year-old mother this past weekend at Willow Terrace Trailer Park on Doyle Drive in Albertville. Ok….Alabama aaaannnd a trailer park….so its starting to make a little more sense now.

“From what we understand the rape stemmed from an argument between him and his brother. And apparently they were arguing over a girlfriend. And the rape was some sort of retaliation towards his brother,” said Sgt. Jamie Smith of the Albertville Police Department.

That’s one way to get back at your brother.

They go on to say “It was unusual retaliation on an unsuspecting victim.” Really? I didn’t get that part.

BTW, Bush won Alabama. So there you go.

Helena Stone, AKA Bob, can now use whichever bathroom he/she wants. AM New York reports that the transgendered population has won a huge lawsuit in NY which almost barred them from using the women’s bathroom at the Port Authority. Not that I reccomend using the bathrooms at the Port Authority anyway but do you believe the nerve of these women actually not wanting transvestite men in thier bathrooms?!

Ok, in all seriousness, how did the attorney’s of NY not win this one? I’m not a lawyer and I’m telling you that I think I could convince a jury and a judge that it’s probably not a good idea to allow men in wigs to prance around with thier pants down in women’s bathrooms.

Mr/Ms Stone, who began hormone replacement therapy 11 years ago, was relieved yesterday stating, “I’m thrilled with it. It’s like the world was lifted off my shoulders after a few months of hell.”

So her hell is now our hell? I don’t get it. Why does the well being of a dirty tranny have presidence over the well being of good natured citizens? What is this world coming to? So the skinny is this; when you women go to the bathroom in NYC don’t be miffed to find me in a wig staring at you while you do your thing. Because thats exactly what I’m going to do.

Basically, because there are no Tranny Credentials to display, any guy with a wig on can walk into your bathroom and hang out. Way to go lawyers of NY…morons!  

Authorities report yesterday that a man was stabbed to death by a deranged stingray during a leisurely boat ride in the southern Intercoastal Waterway. The stingray of interest is believed to be connected to the murder of Steve Irwin, the Austrailian “Crocodile Hunter”, as its reported that these types of rays are known to travel large distances when provoked by the taste of death.  

The accident occurred while Bertakis, a retired developer, was with two of his adult granddaughters on a cruise around 1 p.m. on Wednesday to look at the waterfront mansions along the Intracoastal in Lighthouse Point. When the stringray climbed onto the boat, Bertakis fought the stingray trying to push it back in the water, and that’s when he was stabbed, relatives said. Witnesses say the stingray then jumped back in the water and swam away.

Based on witnesses accounts, below is an artists rendering of what the stingray might look like:

It’s unknown at this piont as to whether the stingray had a motive but most experts say that it could be just the blood thirsty nature of these sick animals. As reported earlier, the stingray is being saught for questioning in the Steve Irwin homicide and is likely to have a rap sheet 12 pages long. Authorities are warning the public that this at-large stingray is armed and very dangerous. Any clues to its where-abouts are helpful and will be rewarded.

Check out this quote from Lidle’s agent. This was taken from Newsday’s report. Aparantly he can tell the future and never warned Lidle before getting on that plane.

Lidel’s agent, Jordan Feagan, said yesterday that he feared Lidle was among the fatalities of the 2:30 p.m. crash.

You would think if he was such a good friend he would have told him not to get on that plane. What a jerk!

Update: Ok, so I guess it was just a typo because they changed thier story. I guess Lidle’s agent isn’t a pyshic. So get this, that apartment that Lidle’s plane crashed into, it was Cashman’s! How’s that for irony. Probably about a day away from letting him go, the guy dies in a firing plane crash into his boss’ apartment…wtf! 

Oh, and guess who else was in the plane….Jim Leyritz. Seriously. But he’s ok.

So, are we safer? Check out this quote from Steve Coleman, a spokesman from the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which runs New York area airports, “I have no idea where this thing (the plane) came from.”

Sweet security!

UPDATE!: We are hearing now that the plane belongs to Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle. There is no indication that Lidle was on the plane. Stay tuned for more updates.

Ok, so we reported initially that FOX had purchased Youtube for at least a cool billion. What we meant to say was that FOX was going to report that someone else is going to buy Youtube. When Beasley originally reported the story he was completely hammered and I could hardly understand him.

In the morning he continued to clear up the miscommunication by telling us, in clear english this time, that he was trying to say he “bought a tube tug last night by this fox down the street.” Sorry guys. Our fault.

Now that The Facebook has opened itself to the public, Mark Zuckerberg is slated to announce that he plans on charging each subscriber a monthly service fee. All 9 million users will be charged starting 1/1/2007 a $9.95 monthly fee to keep thier profiles.

Its been estimated that at least 85% of all college students use the Facebook to meet people and keep up with their friends abroad. Now, the question is once the new year rolls around and these fees go into effect will that 85% go down? If those 9 million users remain loyal Zuckerberg stands to make just over $89 million dollars per month.

Uhm….whoa.

Our story made it to the video store! Someone created this short to discuss one our recent story of Youtube being purchased by FOX.

So it looks like I’m the first user to blog on this site….sweeet! Anyway, I guess I have to say something funny or newsworthy or something just to get passed the gatekeepers so here goes.

Did anyone see these pics of Fergie’s nasty hairy pits? I saw them on Hollywood Tuna. So gross. Fergie continues to disappoint. I want her to be hot but the minute I start wanting to bang her the next thing I see is a pic of her after she pissed herself or something else gross.

Here’s the wide shot.

and the nasty close up