By Mr. Joshua
“I believe in miracles… Where you from? you sexy thing.”

I wish I were a middle aged black man… yeah… that would be cool.

My name would be Jerome or Wallace or Sydney.

I’d speak of the Lord Jesus Christ as my savior and then sing a bitchin’ line from some Marvin Gaye song, all in the same breath.

I’d have black women of all ages referring to me as baby, and let’s face it, there’s NOTHING better than a black women calling you baby. God, I love that.

I would spend all day talking to people in an overly enthusiastic tone, saying things like, “Hey, there!” and “How are ya?!” and “Beautiful day, isn’t it?!”.

Yeah… bitches would dig that.

By Mr. Joshua
“I’m a hipster?! No, no…  you’re a hipster!

I wish I were a Lower East Side Hipster… yeah… that would be cool.

My name would be something like Chet or Bryan or Blake.

I would work as a Barrista at Starbucks during the day, expending the mental energy of a gnat, then spend my evenings railing against the international corporate machine till I was in a rabid lather.

I would shoot heroin through my eyeballs and people would appreciate me for my originality.

I would shuffle through the streets of New York in a half-dead daze wearing jeans that were technically smaller and tighter than my girlfriend’s.

Instead of saying things were cool, I would say things were deck… whatever the hell that means. Yeah… that would be cool… err..uhh… I mean deck.

Yeah… bitches would dig that.