We reported last week that JB is a perfect human specimen that loves me and wants to have my babies. So not only is she a smokin hot animal but she also likes to make out with other girls!

What’s next, a picture of her giving me a massage while cooking a turkey and saying hello to Mr. Willy for a nooner? Oops…finished.

Beasley J. Lichtenstein

Its been confirmed through our spy that Rupert Murdoch has indeed confirmed the long speculation that he would buy internet video giant, YouTube. The purchase price has not been confirmed but our source says its way into the 10 figure region. Uhm, yeah…I think thats pretty obvious.

So here’s where the agrument comes in. What does NBC do with all that exclusive content? Do they pull or try and get the same deal? What about the other TV stations?

Does this mean the downfall of YouTube and an influx of advertisers just like Myspace? What’s next?

Beasley J. Lichtenstein

Hey gang, Beasley here. I’m not sure if any of you saw the pre-game show last night before the big NFL kickoff but P Diddy really needs to hang it up. It may go down as the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched my dad get hit by a car. His performance was something I would shit on and then pick it up and throw it in a bucket of my diarrhea only to be flushed down a toilet filled with throw up.

First off, the dancing was atroscious(sp), the singing was non-existant due to the obvious lipsyncing and the chic that came out to also suck, really did do just that. You really couldn’t even tell what was going on because the camera kept on panning out like they were trying to get our attention off of the actually crap show. Oh well, thats about it. Thanks!

By Beasley J. Lichtenstein

Hey gang, Beasley here. I just thought I would let you all know that the Lindsay Lohan upskirt pictures were in fact a fake. Yeah I know…stupid internet blogs. Well, with my vast array of contacts in the industry I have come across the real upskirt pics and I think you will find them…well…very interesting.  

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Beasley J. Lichtenstein 

Hey Gang, Beasley here. I just want to say that Eva Mendes is one nice piece of A. She did a nude spread in Flaunt Mag this month. I was there for the photo shoot and then hung out with her later that night. We had breakfast….if you know what I mean. Bacon and eggs.

By Beasley J. Lichtenstein

1. Rabid Lions attacking Newborns in a Bathroom

2. Infested Hookers Forcing Sex on you in a Sewage Dump

3. Being Man-Loved by a Silver Back Gorilla in a Busch Garden’s Sky Ride

4. Hot Garbage in your mouth in July in Newark, NJ

5. An Old Lady Sharting while lapping it on a Bus in Bangladesh

6. Throwing up live worms in your lap at a 5 star restaurant

7. Getting kicked in the Nuts repeatedly while drinking a blood milkshake with your hands tied behind your back in an Iraqi prison camp

8. Camel Orgies in your office cubicle

9. This Guy Staring At You At The End of Your Bed Every Morning When You Wake Up——>

10. Naked and Bleeding in a Lemon Juice Pool of Piranhas

I totally thought no one cared about Axle Rose anymore but apparantly someone is still snapping pictures of him. Here’s Axle at the beach enjoying the sun in Malibu. I hope he’s wearing sunscreen.

Beasley J. Lichtenstein

Hey gang, Beasley here. So I know there are a lot of people talking about this whole Floyd Landis steriods thing and I’ve actually got exclusive pictures of him doping up before Stage 17. I know I know… You’re asking yourself how Beasley of all people got his hands on this shot… lets just say ‘When in Rome’.

Go to the photo section…you’ll find it. God speed and go F yourself.

Beasley J. Lichtenstein

Hey gang, Beasley here. This just came across my desk this afternoon; the sister of Jessica Simpson, Maggie I think, will be the spokemodel for Victoria Secret’s new college line of sexy clothing. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought she was a big stupid c*nt.

This crazy news got me in the research mood so I hopped online and searched all records of Maggie Simpson and nothing of the sorts came up. I did find some nice shots of her though. Here’s a picture of her if you don’t know who I’m talking about.

Let me know if you guys hear anything else.

Later guys.

Beasley J. Lichtenstein

Hey gang, Beasley here and so are the balls. Its been awhile since I’ve talked about something suckin balls but in all honestly, things have been pretty good. Well, that is until today’s news came across my desk. Besides the war in Iraq and the floods in the mid-atlantic it has come to my knowledge that the geniuses over at ABC have finally gotten rid of Star Jones on The View.

First of all, did it really take years to figure out that she sucked balls? According to Barbara Walters she says “research showed audience members were turned off by Reynolds’ dramatic weight loss and glitzy wedding to banker Al Reynolds in 2004.” How about this….I was turned off by her weirdness and the fact that her gay “husband” was also a weirdo. Oh and that she sucked. People hated her before she started to look like a skinny piece of mess. I mean, how many times did she have to let her audience know she was “a black woman”. She’s just the worst and I’m glad she died.

Alright guys, talk to you later!