My apologies for the minor hiatus, but I’m back in business and paid a little visit to my friendly neighborhood Loew’s Cineplex last night, where I caught Martin Scorsese’s most recent film, The Departed.  Initial reaction: Wow.  Second reaction: Wow.  For any Scorsese fans out there (I am a huge one myself), you may have been a little disappointed in Marty’s last few flicks.  When I say disappointed, I’m not referring to the quality of the films as much as I’m referring to the content.  The Aviator was a great movie and was up for a lot of awards, but we’re you entertained? Titanic was a multi-Oscar-winning movie, and it was extremely well made.  Also, I hated it more than Battlefield Earth.  Yea, that Travolta movie with the aliens, it was bad.  Same with Gangs of New York and that Bob Dylan documentary he made - both great, but a little too epic-y for my tastes.  I think I can speak for all Scorsese fans when I say we all wanted a return to the form of Mean Streets, Goodfellas, and Taxi Driver, movies that showed no concern for political correctness or morale, and just told a dirty, dark-side of life story that kept you on the edge of your seat.  Thankfully, The Departed is Marty’s comeback film, a no-holds barred crime drama that will spin your head around and in my case, make you want to go back for a second round.

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Newsday reported that Saddam has been thrown out of court again making this the tenteenth time since the trial began. Apparantly Saddam was shouting out verses from the Quran during his genocide hearings prompting the judge to throw him out along with his 6 co-defendants.

Saddam and his cousin, “Chemical” Ali, are both on trial for the genocide of thousands of Kurds during the 80’s. I don’t know about you but if I was trying a guy who’s nickname was “Chemical” I think I would be a little biased.

Could you imagine being a defense attorney and its your first day and you arrive at court only to look over at your clients and its Saddam Hussein and a guy named “Chemical” Ali?

If you get Spam emails about Viagra, Stocks or mortgage rates “At an all time low” scroll all the way to the bottom and you will find some of the best poetry you’ve ever read. Albeit not making sense but its great stuff. I got this one from a “Tamika Brady” regarding some sort of penis enlargement drug.

“She brought the pages to him, put them on the board, and then stepped back quickly.

Was he going to let it stay there, or was he going to be a man and sick the fucking thing up?

Old Shinny had been clearly puzzled as well, but in the end he had concurred with the diagnosis.”

First of all, why do they do this? Second of all…wtf!? If you’ve got any good ones you’d like to share let me know! 

“For prostitutes working the streets of New Orleans, the post-flood era has sparked a boom in business, largely owing to the influx of an estimated 40,000 to 50,000 out-of-town workers away from their families with money to blow, police said. It’s “like the Super Bowl” for sex workers, said Deputy Chief James Scott, commander of the Police Department’s Intelligence Division, from his division’s headquarters in a trailer.

Though police are making more arrests for prostitution than before Hurricane Katrina, Scott said quantifying such results is difficult because undercover officers often can’t develop conclusive evidence to make a clear-cut prostitution case. It often takes a transfer of cash, “getting naked with them” and clear evidence that the prostitute wants to trade a sexual favor for cash and not just because “she thinks you’re hot,” Scott said.”

They forgot to mention that just a small percentage of the undercover stings actually resulted in arrests because most of the cops went through with the doin it with the hooker just because they could and it was sex and probably cause it’s fun.

Read full article here…Enjoy you sick bastards!

Sorry guys…no helmet pics this week… =( 

After taking a small hit last week, I’m a little surprised at some of the outcomes from last week’s games.  A couple teams emerged and proved that though down, they certainly aren’t out.  And when somewhat shocking outcomes arrive, it makes predictions for the next week all the more difficult.  Here’s trying to right the ship in Week 5.

Last week:  2 - 3

Overall:  11 - 4

New York Giants (-4.5) vs. Washington

The Redskins are the first team on my list that emerged last week as a fighter, pulling out a gutsy overtime win against the Jaguars.  A loaded offense finally showed up against what many people believed to be the NFL’s top defense in Jacksonville, which was a bit of a shocker.  Still, part of me expected that would happen at some point this season.  Mark Brunell had a big day, particularly to speedy WR Santana Moss.  Washington’s defense did not do much to stop the Jags offense, but they committed to the shootout and put on a show.  The Giants are coming off a much needed bye week and had some inner-team issues, with players questioning each other and the coaches, in an overall bad situation.  This game is at the Meadowlands, and Washington never seems to show up (figuratively).  I’m thinking that the week off gave the G-Men plenty of time to get their heads right, and the Skins defense has been lackluster this year.  That gives Eli and Tiki a chance to get back on track, and they should win by at least a touchdown.

Chuck says:  New York Giants 27, Washington 18.

Chicago (-10.5) vs. Buffalo

The Bears cemented themselves as the best team in the NFC last week with a landslide victory over the depleted Seahawks to remain undefeated.  Quarterback Rex Grossman looks extremely effective, with the deep threat emerging in WR Bernard Berrian.  Seattle’s defense is nothing to sneeze at, but has been inconsistent, so that does say something.  One thing you can say about Chicago is that their defense is for real, and dominates every game.  Buffalo has quietly become an underdog threat every week, and for some reason people have been underestimating them tremendously.  Quarterback J.P. Losman is still developing, but they still have franchise RB Willis McGahee putting up consistent numbers and their defense has emerged as a powerhouse.  This spread is interesting to me, and I predict that it might even go up at least half a point before Sunday.  The Bears at some point will show some weakness, and I have a feeling the Bills are going to show up this weekend with a low-scoring victory.

Chuck says:  Buffalo 14, Chicago 10.

Philadelphia (-2.5) vs. Dallas

Everyone knows this is the premier matchup of the weekend.  T.O.’s return to Philly will no doubt include many emotions, not only from the Eagles’ squad, but more so from the fans.  The Eagles wiped out the Packers last week, in a game which I truly thought Green Bay would have put up a better performance.  But the fact is that the Eagles are one major win away from being the best team in the NFC East.  Donovan McNabb has put up great numbers all season, and I think it will continue this weekend.  Whether or not RB Brian Westbrook plays shouldn’t be a factor, although his backups have been shaky.  The Cowboys had a layup in Week 4 against the Titans, but it always helps the confidence of an offense to put up a blowout, no matter how bad the team is.  Ultimately, I think the Cowboys will keep the game close for 3 quarters, and expect Terrell Owens to have a nice day with a TD (can’t wait to see his celebration).  But the Eagles are on the verge of becoming a force once again, and a win over the streaking Cowboys should validate that.

Chuck says:  Philadelphia 21, Dallas 14.

San Diego (-3.5) vs. Pittsburgh

The Steelers are at a crossroads right now, coming off a bye week which followed two consecutive losses.  The team itself looks as if they are simply not playing well together, although it’s virtually the same team that won the Super Bowl last year.  Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been inconsistent and not the same steady QB who led the team to a title.  Running back Willie Parker has really stepped up and put up great numbers, but one man can’t save a season.  The Steelers need this game.  San Diego suffered a crushing loss in the closing seconds of last week’s game at Baltimore.  Aside from that one blemish, they have looked surprisingly well so far this season.  QB Philip Rivers has proven that he is a solid starter, nothing spectacular, but very fundamental.  The biggest surprise has been their defense, which is putting up great stats week in and week out.  Linebacker Shawn Merriman is all over the field on every play.  It certainly helps to have RB LaDainian Tomlinson, who can shred a defense more or less anytime he wants to.  I’m thinking the Steelers struggles are going to continue with the game in San Diego, and don’t forget that tall target, TE Antonio Gates.  He will have a big day. 

Chuck says:  San Diego 23, Pittsburgh 14.

Denver (-3.5) vs. Baltimore

Still undefeated, the Ravens are not getting the respect they deserve.  They pulled out a great close win against the talented Chargers last week, and are entering Week 5 with a lot of confidence.  No team has yet to post anything remotely impressive against their defense, and Denver will not be the team to break that streak.  Quarterback Steve McNair doesn’t look a day over 25, and last week’s game-winning 4th quarter drive proved it.  RB Jamal Lewis is healthy, and once again he is starting to run people over.  Denver is coming off a bye week which was preceded by a great win against the Patriots.  I’m still not buying Denver though, because Jake Plummer is still playing every down like it’s his last, which will ultimately result in turnovers, especially against the Ravens D.  The running back combo of Mike Bell and Tatum Bell has been effective so far, and I’ll expect them to put a small dent in the Baltimore rush defense, but not enough of a dent to win this game.  The Ravens should be favored, and they will win this game.

Chuck says:  Baltimore 14, Denver 7.

Sorry to alarm you all, but I got an urgent email from “The Desk of Abigail Pendleton” that I wanted to warn you all about. The subject of her email was quite alarming; “Swimmning Ninja V!agRa –as scen on Oprah”, so i opened it right away.

What I read was frightening:

Obesity killers that walk among us–fat loss product available - As scen on Oprah

Do you remember all the times when you said to yourself you would do anything to get rid of this ugly fat everywhere? Fortunately, now no major sacrifice is necessary. With Anatrim, the ground-breaking pound-melting blend, you can get a healthier lifestyle and become really thinner. Have a look at what people say!“I hate to admit it but I was a junk food addict. I ate all this trash and just could not stop. This misery stopped when I started taking Anatrim! God, my appetite decreased, mood improved and I lost 20 pounds in 2.5 months. I can tell you now I’m a happier person!”

So if I were you I would lock my doors and not leave your children alone. Especially if I was one of the people who they sent this email to directly. So if your name is Ivory Gay, Mechanics V. Porterhouse, Alien Q. Locomotives, (insert chinese symbols here) or Hankfish P. Stanislaus, please be extra careful.

If you can get past her name without gagging and actually read her review of “Shortbus”, Lisa Shwarzbaum, will get you to finish gagging and actually throw up all over yourself. If the reader’s comments weren’t a telling sign that EW needed to boot this lady then I don’t know what is.

Here are just a few comments:

from MPHOUSTON

“Lisa, do us all a favor and next time tell your editor that your dog ate your review. I found absolutely nothing useful about your bland and uninspiring analysis, regardless of if you liked the movie or not.” - ZING!

from Jim

“What a shockingly reductive non-review. Did you even bother to watch the movie, Lisa, or did you decide the first five minutes weren’t hot enough and just move on? I would really hope for better from anyone who actually gets paid for their opinions.” - OUCH!

from junior

“btw, the Brooklyn club is based on an actual club, not Mitchell’s invention…Lisa, do your homework…” - YOWZA!

from Esme

“Ditch Lisa S already; she’s so in love with her own vocabulary, she doesn’t have the time to make sense. And anybody who thinks the hilariously pretentious “Mystic River” is a tour de dorce has no business in the movie critic business.” - I think Esme nailed it on the head

Ok, so we reported initially that FOX had purchased Youtube for at least a cool billion. What we meant to say was that FOX was going to report that someone else is going to buy Youtube. When Beasley originally reported the story he was completely hammered and I could hardly understand him.

In the morning he continued to clear up the miscommunication by telling us, in clear english this time, that he was trying to say he “bought a tube tug last night by this fox down the street.” Sorry guys. Our fault.

This is by far the largest one I have ever seen!

http://www.20minutestokill.com/photos/1395/1013/

These are the search terms that people used to get to our site yesterday. The bolded ones are my favorite.

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