Authorities report yesterday that a man was stabbed to death by a deranged stingray during a leisurely boat ride in the southern Intercoastal Waterway. The stingray of interest is believed to be connected to the murder of Steve Irwin, the Austrailian “Crocodile Hunter”, as its reported that these types of rays are known to travel large distances when provoked by the taste of death.  

The accident occurred while Bertakis, a retired developer, was with two of his adult granddaughters on a cruise around 1 p.m. on Wednesday to look at the waterfront mansions along the Intracoastal in Lighthouse Point. When the stringray climbed onto the boat, Bertakis fought the stingray trying to push it back in the water, and that’s when he was stabbed, relatives said. Witnesses say the stingray then jumped back in the water and swam away.

Based on witnesses accounts, below is an artists rendering of what the stingray might look like:

It’s unknown at this piont as to whether the stingray had a motive but most experts say that it could be just the blood thirsty nature of these sick animals. As reported earlier, the stingray is being saught for questioning in the Steve Irwin homicide and is likely to have a rap sheet 12 pages long. Authorities are warning the public that this at-large stingray is armed and very dangerous. Any clues to its where-abouts are helpful and will be rewarded.

MILFS!! Not in any particular order. Which ones do you like?

#1: Unknown

#2: Pam Anderson

#3: Angelina Jolie

#4: Stifler’s Mom

I need more! I can’t find any….

This is totally not a joke…I don’t know who this girl is but I just saw her and had to share with the world.

(more…)

“Now more than ever,” says Al Queda spokeperson Abu Al-Amin, “will we try and kill even more people.” He continues, “If 100 people are born today, then we will kill 101!”. In a show of solidarity to keep the World’s population under Tuesday’s projection of a whopping 300 million Al-Amin defies the world’s procreators by calling all suicide bombers, war criminals and doctors to kill as many people as possible to fight against the World’s growing population.

“Now more than ever, people are living longer and having more babies. Soon the human race as we know it will cease to exist because there will be too many mouths to feed and too little resources. When will the time come when there is no more oxygen left to breath? When there is no more land to grow vegetables or allow cows to graze? Will evolution build us a different bread of humans who can get all of thier nutrition from tiny pills and don’t need to breath? Sign me up!  

Well, duh…. sure I want to jerk off everytime there is a Mercury car commercial on..

Now, I actually have a reason besides the fact that I think Mid-size SUVs are sexy - Jill Wagner is her name and hawkin’ luxury sedans isn’t her only gig:

Apparently she was on Punk’d back in the day but considering I think Ashton Kutcher is more annoying than the latest pimple that’s on my ass, I never watched the show. I guess I missed out. DAMN YOU ASHTON KUTCHER!!!

In a hilarious attempt to be more “American”, Muslim countries are now pushing thier own US iconic products to the masses. ‘Fulla’ is the Muslim barbie equipped with head scarf and prayer rug.

She’s so cool she also comes with her very own eye gouging stick just in case she tries to have fun! Fulla’s man friend is named ‘Hakim’ and some of his accesories include a mule, walking stick, custom luggage and real bombs.

I’m not really sure who this girl is but apparently she’s famous and she turned 21. At her birthday party Perez Hilton tries to kiss her and have his cronies take a picture. It’s funny because look at how she’s trying not to kiss him. It’s like he’s rape kissing her or something and she’s thinking “i totally don’t want to kiss him because i’m sure he was just going down on some guy or tossing some dude’s salad.” I think she can smell the poop on his breath.

Check out this quote from Lidle’s agent. This was taken from Newsday’s report. Aparantly he can tell the future and never warned Lidle before getting on that plane.

Lidel’s agent, Jordan Feagan, said yesterday that he feared Lidle was among the fatalities of the 2:30 p.m. crash.

You would think if he was such a good friend he would have told him not to get on that plane. What a jerk!

Update: Ok, so I guess it was just a typo because they changed thier story. I guess Lidle’s agent isn’t a pyshic. So get this, that apartment that Lidle’s plane crashed into, it was Cashman’s! How’s that for irony. Probably about a day away from letting him go, the guy dies in a firing plane crash into his boss’ apartment…wtf! 

Oh, and guess who else was in the plane….Jim Leyritz. Seriously. But he’s ok.

So, are we safer? Check out this quote from Steve Coleman, a spokesman from the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which runs New York area airports, “I have no idea where this thing (the plane) came from.”

Sweet security!

UPDATE!: We are hearing now that the plane belongs to Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle. There is no indication that Lidle was on the plane. Stay tuned for more updates.

I apologize in advance for offending anyone since I know these are a bit barbaric, homophobic, and chauvinistic, but several of them are rather amusing…

MAN LAWS

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.      

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.

(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.

(e) When she is using her teeth. (more…)