Sorry to alarm you all, but I got an urgent email from “The Desk of Abigail Pendleton” that I wanted to warn you all about. The subject of her email was quite alarming; “Swimmning Ninja V!agRa –as scen on Oprah”, so i opened it right away.

What I read was frightening:

Obesity killers that walk among us–fat loss product available - As scen on Oprah

Do you remember all the times when you said to yourself you would do anything to get rid of this ugly fat everywhere? Fortunately, now no major sacrifice is necessary. With Anatrim, the ground-breaking pound-melting blend, you can get a healthier lifestyle and become really thinner. Have a look at what people say!“I hate to admit it but I was a junk food addict. I ate all this trash and just could not stop. This misery stopped when I started taking Anatrim! God, my appetite decreased, mood improved and I lost 20 pounds in 2.5 months. I can tell you now I’m a happier person!”

So if I were you I would lock my doors and not leave your children alone. Especially if I was one of the people who they sent this email to directly. So if your name is Ivory Gay, Mechanics V. Porterhouse, Alien Q. Locomotives, (insert chinese symbols here) or Hankfish P. Stanislaus, please be extra careful.