By Mr. Joshua
“It’s not easy being me.”

Wow. What an eye opener. All of you proud parents of potential college students must be quaking in your boots. I mean, seriously. That college fund you’ve slaved under for the last 18 years won’t even scratch the surface of the modern costs of education. Factor in Timmy or Suzy’s indiscretions while at school and that hard earned money won’t even amount to an ant hill.  

Financial Planning 101 - Let’s take Mr. Finnerty and Mr. Seligmann’s alma mater as an example. According to the Duke University website, the cost of tuition is $45,000 which covers housing, books and administrative fees. That covers the basics. What about Timmy’s transportation? Don’t think for a second that Mr. Finnerty and Mr. Seligmann don’t have their own shiny new BMW’s. Cha ching! That’s another $35,000. But wait, it doesn’t stop there. Now add in expenses for hookers, a healthy drug habit and a dash of alcoholism and you’re easily pushing another $20,000. Where was your financial adviser 15 years ago?

There’s more.  Imagine… ohhh… I don’t know… Timmy and his friends decide to have a party and, just for the sake of example, “sexually assault, rape and kidnap” one of those hookers mentioned above. Yowser! $400,000 for bail!! Legal fees in excess of $100,000!!

I can feel the quivering, cold sweat through the screen as you read this. Who knew a college education in America could top $600,000!! Your financial adviser should be hung!!

And the worst part is, once he beats the rap (and why shouldn’t he for $100,000+), Timmy won’t even be able to get a job after school. You’ll be greasing the palms of your friends till Timmy is in his forties, just to get him an interview. Even then, the first question out of the interviewer’s mouth will likely be, “Hey, aren’t you that kid that was all over the news for raping a prostitute while drunk and high?”

Ahhh… the folly of youth.